That's Why There's a Handle
by cjh4ever
Summary: Our heroes each have to open a locked door. Inspired by one of the outtakes on the second season DVD boxed set. All characters appear, reasonably equally though Owen managed to pop up more often than I'd planned.
1. Ianto

**THAT'S WHY THERE'S A HANDLE**

_Having seen the outtakes on the boxed set of Season 2 DVDs, I realised our heroes sometimes have trouble with doors on the set of Torchwood. Here's what happened to each member of the team when they came up against a locked door._

* * *

Chapter One: Ianto

Jack bit his lip, clenched his fists until the nails dug into his palms painfully, even hummed the annoying theme tune to _Eastenders_ but nothing could distract him. He could feel the laughter bubbling inside him and he couldn't keep it in. Finally, he gave up the struggle and let out a loud bellow of laughter. He continued to laugh until the tears rolled down his face and he could barely breathe. The unaccustomed sound so startled Toshiko that she pressed the wrong key on her keyboard and deleted all her work for the past hour. She looked up to see what had caused such an outburst. Her lips quivered, her hand crept to cover her mouth and she let out several squeaks of laughter that gave a pleasing counterpoint to Jack's deeper guffaws.

The source of their hilarity stood just inside the door to the Hub. He did not find anything to laugh about. "Have you finished?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"No," gasped Jack, bent double and leaning on the railing. "You look ... you look ..." He could not get the words out, he was laughing way too much.

"I look what?" asked Ianto, for it was indeed he who was being laughed at. "Consider carefully, Jack," he warned, "the quality of your coffee for the next week depends on your answer."

"Not to mention that your bed may be cold and lonely for quite some time!" interjected Owen, standing behind Ianto. He was grinning; having seen the state of the Welshman earlier his laughter had run its course.

"I'm sorry, Ianto," managed Jack, attempting to control himself. He looked away, thinking that would help, but when he looked back he just collapsed into giggles again.

"How did it happen?" asked Toshiko, still emitting odd squeaks and giggles every few minutes.

"Do you want to tell 'em or shall I?" asked Owen, putting down the heavy equipment case. Ianto shot him a look of such venom that even he quailed. "Come on, mate, they're going to find out. Besides," he added, "Jack's got to sign off an a new suit and shoes."

Jack finally managed to look at Ianto and not laugh. He was still grinning hugely but he was now in control. "Come on, Ianto, what on Earth happened? How did you manage to end up like that?" He walked down the steps and circled him, inspecting his torn clothing.

He had sent the two men out to monitor a member of a gang which had found a Tyskil greeting card. These cards were sentimental mementoes to their creators but on Earth they could be used in ATM machines, by-passing security; the gang had stolen over £50,000 in 24 hours. It was supposed to be a simple operation. All Owen and Ianto had to do was follow the gang member, one Bryn Davies, until he met his confederates and then bring them all in. It should have been a piece of cake.

Instead, here was Ianto in shredded trousers, the right leg hanging in three long, tattered strips from the crotch, exposing a pleasing flash of dark blue briefs; a jacket missing a pocket and with a torn lapel on the right side; and one shoe. Sawdust and plaster liberally covered him. Ianto also had a lump on his forehead, just above the right eye.

Accepting the inevitable, Ianto sighed heavily. "We followed Davies until he met the others. The gang went into an office block and holed up in a room on the fourth floor. There was only the one way in or out and we had it covered. Owen ordered them out but they wouldn't come. So I broke down the door. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond our control, the gang escaped though they left the card behind." Ianto pointedly stopped there, determined to say no more. He made to move away but Jack put a restraining hand on his arm.

Jack frowned and looked at Owen inquiringly. "There's gotta be more," he said.

"Oh, there is," he agreed, sitting on the equipment box and resting his elbows on his knees. "Our esteemed Tea-Boy decides to use the old kick to the lock, like he's seen you do. But he didn't look at the door properly, did he? Didn't see that it was flimsy old plywood. There was nothing to it, so when Ianto goes in all gung-ho and brings his foot up to the lock it goes right through. All of a sudden he has half a door between his legs pressing hard against the old wedding tackle!" He grinned wider at the memory. "The door swings open from the force of his attack – and believe me he gave it some welly – and he has to go with it, mincing forward on his tippy-toes. The gang can't believe it and rushes forward, grabs the door and bangs it fully open, back against the wall with Ianto tiptoeing along with it. His head meets the wall and he gets the bump on the head. The gang sees its chance, rushes me and legs it. They were running so fast they left the card."

Jack and Toshiko were in hysterics, trying to picture the usually so immaculate and proper Ianto in such a predicament. Owen was laughing too, thoroughly enjoying embarrassing Ianto. Only the subject of the tale remained distinctly unimpressed.

"That explains the suit," gasped Toshiko, "but what about the shoe?"

"Oh, he threw that down a drain when we were coming out," replied Owen cheerfully.

"I did not," said Ianto coldly. "I threw it at you and you ducked." With that he walked away, limping both from the loss of his shoe and from the tenderness of an intimate part of his anatomy, to the changing rooms. The dark blue briefs were on show with every step he took. His colleagues collapsed in more fits of laughter.

* * *

Jack watched as the coffee mug was placed on his desk. He lifted it to his nose and sniffed suspiciously; it smelt okay but Ianto was tricky, he could have doctored it. He cautiously took a sip and found it tasted okay too. Relaxing, he looked at the bearer of the beverage. In a clean suit and a complete pair of shoes, Ianto looked his usual immaculate self. Jack smiled. The smile broadened as he remembered how Ianto had looked only a hour before; the smile became a grin; the grin became a snigger.

"You're never going to forget, are you?" sighed the Welshman, resigned.

"I hope not. I haven't had a laugh like that for a long time." He took another sip of his coffee. "Ah, come on. You've got to admit it was funny."

"I suppose, if it hadn't been me," he conceded. He smiled slightly but then a worried look crossed his face. He looked at the floor.

"What is it?" asked Jack, that look concerned him. "What's wrong?"

"We're not sure. Owen said it may be ... No, I'm sure it's nothing but there's no way of knowing. Injuries like that, well ..." his voice faded away.

"What?" demanded Jack, scared. Had that bump on the head been more serious than it looked? He got up and stood in front of him. "What!?"

Ianto looked up, his eyes flashing with mischief. "An injury ... down there, well, it could be nasty. Owen said I should ... experiment ... dabble." Jack's grin returned. "Care to give me a hand?"

Jack's bellow of laughter echoed around the Hub and once again Toshiko inadvertently deleted her work.


	2. Gwen

Chapter 2: Gwen

"Come on," yelled Gwen, leading her colleagues along the road. She jumped over a large puddle and swerved round a lamp-post.

She was exhilarated by the thrill of the chase, adrenaline coursing through her veins. This was why she had joined Torchwood, why she'd left the routine of police work. She loved to get stuck in, to take action without the restraint of rules and regulations. How many times had she felt frustrated when as a police woman she had not been able to pursue a case as she'd wanted because of some technicality? Or seen it thrown out of court and the villains free? Too many. Now, with Torchwood, once they'd worked out what was going on, there were no limits on how they resolved it. And no consequences. She loved that feeling.

She reached the building and drew up, panting from the hard chase. Jack came up beside her, barely out of breath; Owen and Ianto joined them, both breathing hard. They assessed the building in front of them, a large square, prefabricated, inelegant lump divided into small offices and storage spaces rented out by the month. It had outside doors on each side. The alien had entered through the front and had not had time to exit.

"You take left," Jack said, "Owen, you're on the right, Ianto the back. I'll go in the front. Be careful. Remember, it spits acid."

Gwen nodded and went left, moving swiftly to a spot where she could see the whole wall and the door in the middle of it. She slowed to a walk, gun in hand, and approached the door. She listened but could hear nothing. At this time of night there would not be many people working inside but there must be some; the lights showing behind the high windows proved that. She tried the door handle; it was stiff but it gave under her hand. She opened it cautiously. A lit corridor opened before her, dog-legging to her right after about 10 metres, with rooms opening off it at irregular intervals. She entered and walked along, checking as she came to each room. If the door was open, she peeked in; if it was closed she opened it cautiously and looked in. In one she found a man working at a desk and hurried him out of the building, by the same route she had entered. When she reached the dog-leg she waited before risking a glance round the corner. Empty. She continued down this corridor checking the rooms in the same way as before.

She had just rounded another corner when she heard sounds. They were indistinct, deep and guttural. She eased forward and the sounds became louder; they were coming from a room just ahead. She took the last few steps and put her ear to the door; it was this room. She still could not make out the sounds, it appeared to be grunting and exclamations. She tried the door handle, it didn't budge; the door was locked. She took a pace away, looking right and left and hoping to see one of her colleagues. Where were they? She thought of trying her comms but she didn't want to wait for them.

Deciding that she could take the two foot tall alien on her own – she'd just make sure she didn't get within spitting distance – she looked at the door. Straight forward, she thought. She eased back another pace or two and ran at it, ramming it with her shoulder as she had seen Jack and Owen do countless times. She bounced off and only just avoided landing on her backside. She winced; this was harder than it looked. She ran at the door again, aware that the alien was now quiet, and rammed it hard. The lock rattled but the door did not open. She tried again and again, each time her shoulder and arm hurt more. She was furious now, determined to get in. She could hear Owen's voice mocking her for not being able to break it down and she was determined not to give up. She tried once more. Wait, she could hear Owen's voice. She could really hear Owen's voice.

She turned and saw him. He was leaning against the wall of the corridor. "Having fun, are we?" he smirked.

She glared at him, then at Jack who was standing beside him, head cocked to one side looking at her curiously. Ianto was behind them, also looking at her but a little more kindly. "It's in here," she hissed, gesturing to the room. She ran at the door again; frustrated, angry and humiliated that she couldn't do this one simple thing. She couldn't open the damned door!

"Why do you think she's doing that?" asked Jack conversationally.

"Some kind of woman thing?" speculated Owen, crossing his arms and watching her efforts. "Must be her time of the month."

"Has to be. Why else would she be doing it? I mean, we've already caught the alien."

Gwen stopped and turned. She stared at them in dawning realisation. Ianto moved a little to his right, to be more fully in view, and she saw he was leading the alien on a piece of rope, its hands and mouth secured with duct tape. "You bastards!" she roared and rushed at them. Jack, as he was nearest, took the main force of her charge and stopped her as easily as the door had, grabbing her hands as she flailed about with her fists. She was enveloped in a bear hug, her back to Jack, and tried kicking out at Owen who was laughing at her. He skipped out of the way. "Bastards!" she said again, before giving up the struggle. Jack held on to her, just in case, though he relaxed his grip a little.

Owen leant towards her, "You women, always whining on that you don't need us men. And you can't even break a door open." He smirked some more, pleased with himself.

"Jack?" queried Gwen, her voice calm and controlled.

"Go for it, girl," he whispered and released her. Owen screamed as Gwen tore towards him. He turned and ran with her hot on his heels. The pair disappeared round the corner and the sound of their running footsteps died away. Jack looked at Ianto and they exchanged a smile. "Shall we join the kids?" he asked.

"We'd better, before Gwen kills him." The two left the building, towing the subdued little alien behind them.

* * *

Silence descended and the terrified occupants of the room looked at one another. The four men were pale faced, fearing for their lives. They had hired the room for the week of the seminar and nothing had happened on the first two days they'd been there. Tonight, the discussion had been going well when something had tried to open the door then started battering at it. They'd heard heavy breathing and been terrified, the tales of random urban violence and gang attacks were suddenly all too real. The two more quick-witted of them had put their well-upholstered bodies against the door, bracing it against the onslaught outside. The others had reacted after a few moments and upended a table and barricaded the door more securely, all four men pressed hard against it to stop the attacker from getting in. There had been shouting and running footsteps.

The silence deepened and no-one moved. They glanced at one another but none wanted to take the first awful step of removing the table and – horror of horrors – opening the door. They were terrified of what they would find on the other side. They had been warned of things like this happening in Cardiff but had brushed them aside as old wives tales. Now they realised it was true, the city was rife with crime and murder. They settled down on the floor, huddling together, prepared to see the night through there rather than venture out while it was still dark.

Early the following morning, when it was light, the four crept from the room and ran from the building. They went immediately to their hotel, packed hurriedly and left for the airport where they changed their tickets and boarded a flight after only an hour's wait. They did not breathe easily until the plane was in the air, on course for Munich and home.

_(I mean no offence to Germans, who I am sure are just as brave as the rest of us, I just needed a guttural language.)_


	3. Jack

Chapter 3: Jack

Ianto was contently humming as he wandered around the Hub, picking up rubbish and filling the black sack he carried. He picked up a couple of pizza boxes and then went to Owen's desk and hesitated. It was hard to know what was rubbish and what was not. There had been a memorable occasion not so long ago when he'd thrown away odd containers and soiled cloths only to be told they were samples from an autopsy; he didn't want to repeat that mistake. Owen had been furious, despite Ianto pointing out, when he'd been able to get a word in, that the items had not been labelled nor in the regulation sample bags. Eventually, Ianto settled for removing the empty drinks cans and sweet wrappers leaving the rest for another time.

He went into Jack's office and emptied the waste bin, grateful that he at least used one. It was an old-fashioned bin that Ianto had always admired; wicker work of a quality rarely seen these days. He smiled at Jack, who was engrossed in reading a report. "Anything else to go?" he asked brightly.

Jack looked up from Toshiko's excellent analysis of their most recent find and returned Ianto's smile. "Err, no, that's it."

"Good. In that case I'll go and see to the Weevils."

"Okay." Jack went back to the analysis and Ianto left the room, on his way to the vaults.

Fifteen minutes passed. Toshiko returned from the kitchen with a sandwich and a beer and sat at her desk, taking bites as she read the interim results of her translations. She could do nothing until the program completed its work so idly looked across to Jack, who was sitting at his desk reading, then up to the hot house where Owen pottered around watering the plants. She smiled; she would never have imagined that Owen would have such a talent for horticulture.

The peaceful scene was shattered by a piercing scream. Jack ran out of his office, "What was that?" he asked, scanning the area. He had his holstered gun in hand.

"Don't know," mumbled Toshiko, her mouth full. She was tapping at her keyboard, checking CCTV.

Owen appeared on the upper walkway. "Jack?" he called inquiringly.

"Any idea where it came from?" asked Jack, now standing beside the water tower. He was strapping the holster to his waist.

"Not up here. Down there somewhere, the vaults maybe?" he suggested.

Jack's face paled, "Ianto," he whispered. "Owen, with me," he yelled, running across to the archway leading to the vaults.

As he ran, Jack thought about the current occupants of the vaults. He remembered the two Hoix (or should that be Hoixes? he wondered) found in the motorway service area near Newport. There were those spidery/mouse things that gave him the creeps; he hadn't been able to avoid giving them house room. Gwen's out-of-time Viking was there too. She'd found him terrorising a Women's Institute meeting, swinging his battle-axe and cursing; he'd almost decapitated the visiting speaker. Then there were the Weevils, a lot of Weevils. They normally had between six and 10, the resident Janet and others that were under observation. At present there were 27, or was it 28? He couldn't be sure. The number had increased because of the torrential rain which had forced many out of the sewers. Once the water levels had receded, they would be returning them to their 'homes' but for now they were here in the Hub.

Had one or more of these 'guests' escaped and attacked Ianto? Was he injured, even dead? Jack ran faster, fear driving him forward. He had to block those thoughts from his mind, to concentrate, or he could make matters worse. It didn't work. All he could think about was Ianto lying dead or dying on the floor, his throat ripped out. Or maybe decapitated by that bloody Viking. He rounded the corner and was in the vaults. He slowed, checking each block of three. The first two were secure with no sign of anything amiss. The third looked okay but, no, what was that in the middle cell? He jumped in, gun held two-handed in front of him. He saw the bundle of clothes on the ledge-bed and the Weevil crouched over them growling fiercely. Ianto!

Jack launched himself at the Plexiglas door. The force of his charge took the door off its hinges and the whole, heavy door shifted half a metre, still upright, before slowly toppling forward catching the Weevil a glancing blow as it fell. Jack was in the cell in a flash, grabbing at the body, searching for signs of life, a pulse, anything. It took him several minutes to realise there was no pulse, there were no life signs. There was no body! The bundle he had mistaken for Ianto was in fact a couple of ripped blankets. He sat back on his heels, relief flooding him. It was in that unguarded moment that the Weevil struck, its claws tearing at Jack's neck and severing the jugular vein. Jack fell forward, dead.

Owen fired at the Weevil and it went down, lying partly on Jack and partly on the fallen door. He stood back, breathing hard and watching the Weevil carefully for signs of movement. He heard a clatter of feet behind him and Ianto and Toshiko ran in.

"What's happened?" asked Ianto. He looked down at the dead Weevil and saw Jack for the first time. "Jack!" he rushed forward, pulled the Weevil off him, checked his boss's pulse and confirmed he was dead. He took his shoulders and pulled him out of the cell, laying him down just outside. "Owen?"

"There was a scream, from down here. Jack rushed off, I couldn't keep up. When I got here the Weevil was on him. I had to shoot." He was pale from shock.

Ianto looked shame-faced and moderately guilty. "A scream?" he queried. The others looked at him suspiciously. "It was me," he admitted. "I went to turn on the hose, to wash out the cells, and it squirted all over me. I was drenched so went off to change." He grinned apologetically, "I didn't think anyone had heard me."

"Well, we did," replied Toshiko. She was now in the cell, looking around. "Look at this," she indicated the door. "It's right off its hinges. And it's way over here. How did he move it so far?"

* * *

Half an hour later, when Jack had revived, the four gathered around Toshiko's desk. They were looking at the CCTV footage and there was an awed silence as they saw Jack's charge take the door right off its hinges. They were all well aware that the doors were made of toughened Plexiglas several inches thick; it was barely possible to move them by hand, the electronic door openers were essential. It had taken four burly men to lift and fit each one when the vaults were upgraded a year or so back.

"Way to go, Harkness!" enthused Owen. "Ianto in danger and door to the floor!" He turned, "Oh, but that's not right, is it? It was a blanket! All that super-human effort to rescue a blanket," he cackled. The others ignored him and he wandered off, laughing to himself, to perform an autopsy on the Weevil he'd shot.

Jack strolled to his office and Ianto followed. "Thank you," he said softly, leaning against the filing cabinet and looking at Jack who was standing by his desk.

"For what?" responded Jack, hands in pockets. "I made a complete ass of myself."

"Not from where I'm standing. You thought it was me and took out that door like it was nothing." He moved across and placed his hands on Jack's shoulders. "I never knew you were so strong," he murmured, leaning close and running his hands down over Jack's upper arms, squeezing his muscles. "I think you deserve a reward." He kissed him softly before moving away and opening the hatch to Jack's quarters, his eyebrow arched suggestively.

Jack took a step back, slammed the office door shut and locked it before following Ianto down the ladder. He adored rewards.


	4. Toshiko

Chapter 4: Toshiko

No-one was prepared for the state of Toshiko when she entered the Hub. She was walking fast with her head down, hair loose and hanging down to hide her face. Gwen looked at Jack and raised her eyebrows questioningly. Jack shrugged, as bewildered as she, and moved from Owen's desk – where he and Gwen had been talking – and stood by Toshiko. She was sitting at her desk, coat still on, with her head down.

"Tosh?" he asked gently, putting a hand on her shoulder and squeezing lightly. He had never seen her like this before. Even in the UNIT detention centre she had been calm and controlled. "What is it?"

She turned towards him and lifted her head showing her tear-streaked face and forlorn expression. "Oh, Jack!" she wailed and flung her arms round him, holding on tightly. Jack held her, giving what comfort he could. Gwen was now standing beside him, a little behind the weeping woman. They again exchanged glances which mirrored their continuing bewilderment.

The door alarm sounded and Owen walked in, looking round him as if searching for something or someone. He spotted Toshiko and climbed the steps two at a time. "Tosh, you ran off. Are you okay?" He hesitated, putting out a hand to touch her.

He was interrupted by Toshiko who pulled away from him violently at the same time as pushing into Jack, who staggered slightly but maintained his footing. "Leave me alone!" she shouted, "Just leave me alone! I never want to talk to you again!"

She was screaming and Jack foresaw hysterics before much longer. He gathered her to him, got her to her feet and, still in a bear hug, walked with her to his office. As he shut the door, he caught Gwen's eye and nodded in Owen's direction. She got the message and turned to face the doctor.

"What the fuck have you done!?" she demanded, slamming down the file she was holding. Her hands went to her hips and she braced herself for a slanging match. Which, much to her surprise, she did not get. Owen looked at her and shrugged. He tried to speak but no words came and he slunk over to the couch and slumped down, head resting in his hands. He looked the picture of dejection. Gwen felt the fight go out of her.

She thought back to earlier in the day, to the meeting in the Boardroom. They had been working for the past few days on finding a collection of alien artefacts that had gone missing from a known dealer. Some of them had come up for sale on e-bay and Toshiko had discovered the address of the seller, a petty thief living in Llandaff. It had been agreed that she and Owen would visit the guy and recover the artefacts. They had left shortly after lunch for what everyone thought would be a simple operation.

Now the two had returned, three hours later. Gwen could not conceive what had happened to reduce Toshiko, the most private and emotionally controlled person she had ever met, to her current state. She looked at Owen and decided it was time to get some answers. She sat on the coffee table, facing him. "What happened, Owen?" she asked, her tone firm but not confrontational. He shook his head, still resting on his hands, but did not speak. "Tell me!" she said more forcefully. "What did you do to Tosh?"

His head came up quickly and he looked mutinous. "Nothing! I didn't do anything. It's just so stupid." He sighed dramatically and pushed his hands through his hair. "I never thought she'd get so upset." He sounded disbelieving, almost incredulous. He looked up at her and sighed again, more softly this time. "It was like this," he began.

In his office, Jack sat in his chair with Toshiko on his knee. He had not intended to end up in this position but she would not let go of him. He held her tight, his mouth close to her ear saying soothing nothings. She had calmed a little but was far from her normal self. He thought back over the nearly four years he had known her and could not think of one occasion when he had seen her so upset. Not when he had despatched Mary, her murderous alien lover, or they had sent Tommy back to 1918.

He realised that her breathing was more regular and that the sobs were becoming intermittent, gradually the sobbing ceased altogether. She sniffed. He reached into his trouser pocket and handed her his handkerchief, luckily still clean. She took it and wiped her eyes before blowing her nose. She made to sit up but he held her against him, lightly so she could have moved if she'd wanted to, but she chose to stayed where she was.

"What's this all about, Tosh?" he asked quietly. "Did the mission go wrong?"

She sniffed again and hiccupped. "Not really," she admitted; her voice was low and she was talking into his chest so he had to strain to hear her. "We got there all right, found the guy. He ran away, down to the basement where he had a storage locker." She paused, and wiped her eyes. "He locked himself in and we had to get him out," she started to cry again. "And he ..."

"... so he was in the locker," continued Owen, "a metal one that he'd rigged so he could lock it from the other side. Only way of opening it was to knock off this plate thing. Well, I couldn't shoot it off, could I? Would have sent ricochets all over the shop. Tosh and I had a bit of a row about how to get him out. I told her to leave it to me but she said no, she could do it ..."

"I tried the artefact that opens locks, you know, the one Suzie found," said Toshiko earnestly. "It didn't work and Owen was laughing at me, said tech was good for nothing. I was so mad that I used the only other thing I had and ... and ... it broke," Toshiko sobbed, her crying controlled but heartbreaking. "It broke into little pieces."

"I didn't know she'd get so bloody upset. Honest, I didn't. I didn't want her to use the bloody laptop to smash the lock," Owen continued. "But it did open the door," he added, admiringly.

* * *

Owen was in the Medical Bay, not doing much of anything, just staying out of the way. It was two hours since their dramatic return to the Hub and he just wanted to forget the whole thing.

"Owen?" called Toshiko from the top of the steps. He looked up. She smiled slightly and leant on the railing. "I ... I'm sorry."

"No, Tosh, I'm the one who's sorry." He came forward until he was standing just below her. "I should have found something else, some tools or something."

She shook her hair, "No, I shouldn't have got so angry, I was way over the top. And, it was just a laptop," she said this fast, trying to believe it. "I can get another. In fact, Jack's already said I can buy whatever I want."

"That's good. Can't imagine you without a laptop," he said this light heartedly, trying to cheer her up. "Did you lose any files or anything?"

"No, they were all backed-up." She smiled her usual, diffident smile. "Well, I'd better get back to work."

"Okay." He paused and then added, "Hey, Tosh, can I buy you a drink tonight?"

She nodded and smiled some more, "That'd be nice. Thanks."

In his office, Jack and Gwen were looking out at the Hub and saw Toshiko go back to her desk. "Only Toshiko would use a laptop to open a door and get so upset when it broke," he commented, shaking his head.


	5. Owen

Chapter 5: Owen

The building was on a piece of wasteland near the River Ely. It was old and the upper stories in a state of some decay: the roof was half off and one or two of the walls had partially collapsed. The lower two stories, however, were still sound and it was here that Torchwood had discovered traces of an alien ship. As the area was due for redevelopment – more housing - Gwen, Jack and Toshiko had gone to investigate, expecting a simple recovery, but the call to Owen had been panicked and urgent.

He was now outside the building, having rushed there as soon as he got the call, and parked his car alongside the SUV. He took a look around but in the darkness, it was close to midnight, he saw nothing out of the ordinary. He tried, yet again, to raise Ianto but the mobile immediately diverted to voice mail; he was going to give him such a mouthful when he found him. Owen jogged to the gap where the front door had once been and entered the building. He used his comms to contact his colleagues.

"Gwen, Jack? Where are you?" He took another step forward, crunching broken glass beneath his feet, and switched on the torch.

His comms gave off a burst of static. "Owen! We're in the cellar, the lower one. The water's coming in fast and we can't get out!" shouted Gwen in his ear. "Help us!"

He shone the light around and spotted a doorway and steps leading down. "I'm on my way," he replied. He hefted the small equipment box and cautiously descended into the gloom. "You said the lower cellar?" he asked.

"Yes, there's two. The steps to this one are opposite the ones to the upper level," said Gwen. "Please hurry." She sounded desperate, which was unlike her.

Owen picked up his pace and was now at the bottom of the steps. He looked around. The cellar was divided into two and in front of him, running the full width of the room was a brick wall with a stout door slightly off centre, to his left. He swung the torch around again but could not see any other door or steps down. He went to the door and tried the handle; it didn't budge.

"Gwen, I can't see the steps," he said, his voice urgent. "There's just a wall with a door in it."

"Oh, yeah, sorry. You've got to go through the door, the steps are the other side to where you are."

"Okay, just hang on." He put down the equipment box and tested the door. It was pretty solid and he didn't think he'd break it down easily. He opened the box at his feet, taking out a sharp chisel and went to work on the lock. "Gwen, what happened?" he asked as he worked, "Where are the others?"

Another burst of static sounded in his ear, then he heard Gwen again. "We followed the traces down here and found the ship. But when we tried to move it, it opened up a gap in the wall and water started coming in. It's getting really deep, Owen, and there's no way out," she finished, the panic evident.

He had levered the lock off and gave a swift kick to the door. It moved but not enough. He tried again and this time he was able to squeeze through. By the light of the torch he could see a doorway ahead of him and ran to it. There was another door, this one also locked. He couldn't believe it! How the hell had they managed to get through? He bent down and started again with the chisel.

"Gwen," he called on the comms, "where are the others?" There was silence for a long minute and his heart leapt to his throat. Then he heard her and breathed again.

"Tosh was hurt, her arm. Jack's trying to keep her above the water but it's rising so fast. I don't know if he'll be able to do it for much longer. He's almost under, Owen, and then she'll go under too!" she wailed, her voice tear-filled.

Owen redoubled his efforts and had the lock off and the door opened in half the time the first had taken. He raced headlong down the steps, not caring whether they were sound or not. He was not going to take any chances that he would be too late. He tripped when he reached the bottom of the steps and landed on his hands and knees, the torch flying one way and equipment box overturning and rolling. Luckily the torch was still working so he was able to find it and locate the box. His hands were scraped from where they had met the concrete floor and he could feel blood oozing out between his palm and the torch. But he paid this no attention, he was shining the torch round, frantic to find the door. He could hear running water although he could not pinpoint its source; a lot of water.

Finally he spotted a shadowy doorway, the only one in the room, and made for it. The door was made of metal, a thick, heavy iron; the room behind must have been used as a safe or strong room. If the others were behind it, no wonder they had been unable to get out. He looked at the lock and started work, not wasting a second. The sound of the water was louder, a rushing as if a lot of water was pouring though a small opening,

"Owen," wailed Gwen's voice from the comms. "Please help me. I can't see Jack and Tosh is almost under. I can't hang on much longer!"

"I'm almost through, Gwen, just a few more minutes," he shouted, working as quickly as he could. "Just hang on!" The pick in his hand turned and he was done. "I've done it, Gwen, I've done it!" He turned the handle and pulled the heavy door open. He stopped and stared, mouth hanging open.

"April Fool!!" chorused his colleagues.

They were seated on various, mismatching pieces of garden furniture. On an upturned crate were opened pizza boxes, cans of beer and bottles of water. Light and heat were supplied by an alien contraption that had been loitering in the archives for ages. On another crate was a Monopoly board, a game in progress. They were looking at him and grinning stupidly. A tape recorder was playing in the corner and sounds of running water came from it. Moonlight streamed in through a gap in the far wall

"Ianto?" asked Jack, looking across at him.

"Twenty-six minutes, 48 seconds," he answered, referring to the stopwatch in his hand.

"Sad, Owen, very sad. We could have drowned in the time it took you to get through a few doors," said Jack shaking his head. The others laughed. Owen just stood there, mouth still open. He'd been had.

* * *

Half an hour later they had packed up the room and were ferrying all the stuff back to the SUV. Owen had managed to see the joke – eventually – and downed a couple of beers to drown his embarrassment at being so easily taken in. He should have known, he told himself.

"All right then, Owen?" asked Gwen, carrying one of the chairs while he had the light/heater thingy. They were the last ones out, all the rest of the stuff having gone with their colleagues. "No hard feelings?"

"No, it was a fair cop," he admitted. "You're quite the little actress," he added, "you sounded really desperate."

"Didn't I ever tell you about my days with the local amateur drama group? I was a great Miranda." He looked blank. "She's in The Tempest. You know, lots of water!" she laughed and skipped ahead.

Owen let her go. He was already planning just how he'd get his own back next year ...

* * *

_And that's the lot. I enjoyed writing these and I hope you enjoyed reading them. Reviews always appreciated._


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